It is crucial to not have anxiety surrounding screen time. To not have value judgments or click bait articles about "digital heroin" or other nonsense in the forefront of your mind. You must let go of it for your children to be able to learn to self regulate. If they can sense you are anxious about the time they spend playing minecraft, they will feel this anxiety. Most likely if you do have some negative feelings about screen time, your children are picking up on this.
Children who have had limits on television, computers, gaming, iPads or any other kind of media are used to it being monitored and controlled. If you change to unlimited screen time, there will be a period of time where your children may be on their iPad/tv/Xbox etc 24/7. They need a period of "deschooling". This means a time where they are allowed to transition from having their screen time controlled to making their own choices around it.
During the de-schooling phase, children should have unlimited access to their tablet, computer etc. In our house it's tablets, some families are gamers.
This means full access to the tablet (s) and charging them so they can have continued use of them. This means not commenting about how long they have been on their PlayStation or how nice it is outside. *Trust the process*
Over time, your children will see that there is no longer a timer dictating when and how they can use screens. That no one will be turning off the tv after 30 minutes or taking away their tablet after an hour. That they now get to decide if and when they use screens. If you are telling your children that it's bad for them or that they should be reading / playing outside instead, you aren't letting them deschool or learn to self regulate.
It is hard to let go and trust if you were raised with control or to believe that you could not be trusted.
Children can sense the anxiety surrounding this and will not be able to self regulate. They will worry that you may change your mind and go back to controlling their usage. Reassure your children that they decide if, when and how to use screens. (Obviously families decide what is appropriate in terms of show / game ratings etc)
Over time your children will know that they can set the iPad down and it will be in the same place when they come back to it. Self regulation takes time. Especially if they are used to having it monitored by someone else and not making their own choices.
We have never had limits on screen time in my house. We didn't have an iPad until my older children were 4 because that's when it was gifted to them. Prior to that we did have tv on and watch some movies. My children spend many hours on the tablet some days and different amounts others.
When my kids seem restless or in need of movement, we talk about ways to meet those needs. Do they want to do something else? Should we go to the splash pads or pool? Sometimes a trampoline park. Others a walk around the neighborhood with the dog to check out construction vehicles.
We have a mini trampoline inside and a swing they use to fly across the room on. They frequently jump on the trampoline while they watch tv. They use the iPad then come back to parkouring on the furniture. They know no one will take the iPad away. It was a gift to them and it's not for me to decide that outside = better, therefore I have to exert control over them.
Empowered kids are amazing to see. My children are kind, wise and have a strong sense of justice. I'm blown away by the conversations we have. How they think critically about everything. I watch movies or shows with them. We talk about the characters. They ask me questions. They comment how a character wasn't being kind or used a word that isn't nice (ableist language isn't used in our home ) They trust me and know I have their best interests at heart. They are my best friends and I admire them a lot. I believe parents can be friends and should be friends with their kids.
For those who say this doesn't work for children who are autistic, have ADHD or are otherwise neurodivergent, I'm here to say it does. My children and I are all autistic. We are multiply neurodivergent. I see the fruits of trust every day in my home. There is so much freedom in trusting children. They hold my hands in parking lots, they check with me before watching something if they aren't sure if it's appropriate and they understand house & community safety rules. They don't need to be controlled. The reasons they follow those rules are because I explained. It makes sense. It's not "because I said so".
To add: YES! it can take a long time. So many parents tell me it didn't work but they gave it only a few weeks. Or were guilting their kids. I also believe in valuing my children's interests. So if they have unlimited screen time and still want to spend a lot of time gaming or on a tablet, that's ok too. The goal is for them to choose and not be controlled. It's not for them to make the choice the parent wants. (Ie if they want them to use the tablet less or be in nature more). It's about choice and trust.
It works. It works for autistic children. It works for neurotypical children. It just means letting go and trusting the process and more importantly your children. Let them know you trust them. Give it lots of time if needed. Deschool. Let go of control. Then watch what unfolds
No comments:
Post a Comment